我們總有遇到過(guò)一些人表現(xiàn)出異于常人的超脫，他們平靜，情緒穩(wěn)定，睡眠也踏實(shí)，焦慮的時(shí)刻似乎只在他們生活中占據(jù)了極少部分；他們并非一路順風(fēng)順?biāo)?，可是他們卻有著很寶貴的能力，那就是再大的事也不擱在心里，再惡劣的環(huán)境也能想辦法適應(yīng)。
We have always encountered some people who show extraordinary detachment, they are calm, emotionally stable, sleep well, and moments of anxiety seem to occupy only a very small part of their lives; They haven't had a smooth journey, but they have a very valuable ability, that is, no matter how big things are, they don't keep it in their hearts, and they can find a way to adapt to the harsh environment.

這個(gè)時(shí)代的焦慮和失眠，常常源于內(nèi)心的堆積過(guò)重，遇到的各種大大小小的事件導(dǎo)致的擔(dān)憂、失落、不平，被我們反復(fù)咀嚼；大腦仿佛一臺(tái)停不下來(lái)的機(jī)器，一到深夜就加急處理未完成的事務(wù)和未釋?xiě)训膫?，然后輾轉(zhuǎn)反側(cè)，徹夜難寐。
The anxiety and insomnia of this era often stem from the excessive accumulation of hearts, and the worries, losses, and injustices caused by various large and small events encountered are repeatedly chewed by us; The brain is like a machine that can't stop, rushing to deal with unfinished business and unrelieved pain late at night, and then tossing and turning, unable to sleep all night.

而“不擱在心里”的能力，指向的不是對(duì)發(fā)生在自己身上的事情一點(diǎn)兒不關(guān)心，而是一種處理信息與情緒的方式；事情發(fā)生了，無(wú)論其大小好壞，都能迅速對(duì)其進(jìn)行分析與判斷，繼而針對(duì)性做出接納、應(yīng)對(duì)或放下的決定。這個(gè)過(guò)程一旦完成，事情便不再是沉重的負(fù)擔(dān)，也不會(huì)長(zhǎng)久盤(pán)踞在心里。
The ability to "not rest in your heart" does not mean that you don't care about what happens to you, but that it is a way of processing information and emotions; When something happens, no matter how big or small it is, it can be quickly analyzed and judged, and then a targeted decision to accept, respond or let go. Once this process is complete, things are no longer a heavy burden and will not remain in the mind for long.

工作壓力、學(xué)習(xí)困難、家庭矛盾、人際關(guān)系問(wèn)題這些是人人都會(huì)遇到的沖突；陷在情緒漩渦里的人一般專盯著一個(gè)視角不放，不讓痛苦流過(guò)反而選擇沉浸痛苦，他們往往重點(diǎn)關(guān)注的是自己的“自動(dòng)化思維”：一種迅速、自動(dòng)、無(wú)須努力甚至無(wú)意識(shí)的思維方式。這是日常生活中隨處可見(jiàn)的慣性思維，它能快速做出符合當(dāng)時(shí)情境的反應(yīng)和解釋；但因?yàn)槭亲詣?dòng)且不經(jīng)修正的，很容易就出現(xiàn)偏差，帶著個(gè)人的主觀局限。
Work pressure, study difficulties, family conflicts, and interpersonal problems are all conflicts that everyone encounters; People trapped in an emotional vortex tend to focus on a single perspective, choosing to immerse themselves in pain instead of letting it pass, and they tend to focus on their own "automatic thinking": a way of thinking that is rapid, automatic, effortless, or even unconscious. This is the habitual thinking that can be seen everywhere in daily life, and it can quickly respond and explain in line with the situation; But because it is automatic and uncorrected, it is easy to deviate and have personal subjective limitations.

提出的要求被拒絕否定就認(rèn)為對(duì)方在貶低自己的人格，別人不接受自己的建議就認(rèn)為自己無(wú)用和沒(méi)有價(jià)值；事情做不好馬上認(rèn)定是因?yàn)樽约旱哪芰懿顒?，偶然錯(cuò)失了機(jī)會(huì)覺(jué)得生活里充斥著壞運(yùn)氣不可能發(fā)生好事。這些負(fù)性自動(dòng)思維簡(jiǎn)單快速，但準(zhǔn)確率極低，它給個(gè)體帶來(lái)了痛苦，無(wú)益又反復(fù)的出現(xiàn)，也對(duì)達(dá)成目標(biāo)造成了阻礙。
If the request is rejected and denied, the other party is considered to be demeaning to one's personality, and if others do not accept one's proposal, they think that they are useless and worthless; If you don't do things well, you immediately decide that it's because your ability is very poor, and you miss the opportunity by chance, and you feel that life is full of bad luck and it can't happen to good things. These negative automatic thoughts are simple and fast, but they are extremely inaccurate, they cause pain to the individual, they are unhelpful and recurring, and they also hinder the achievement of goals.

豁達(dá)的人也反思，但他們運(yùn)用了“認(rèn)知重評(píng)”的心理機(jī)制：個(gè)體在情緒體驗(yàn)的連續(xù)處理過(guò)程中，對(duì)引發(fā)情緒的情景或情緒本身的認(rèn)知評(píng)價(jià)進(jìn)行有意識(shí)地改變，以調(diào)節(jié)情緒的爆發(fā)、強(qiáng)度、持續(xù)和調(diào)整。大致就是換多個(gè)角度看待問(wèn)題，通過(guò)改變對(duì)事物或情境的理解和評(píng)價(jià)方式，來(lái)改變對(duì)其的看法和情感反應(yīng)；不單純局限在狹隘和負(fù)面的解釋里，畢竟人的情感反應(yīng)是由他對(duì)事物的認(rèn)知評(píng)價(jià)所決定的；同樣的半杯水，有“還剩半杯水”和“只剩半杯水”的區(qū)別。
Open-minded people also reflect, but they use the psychological mechanism of "cognitive reevaluation": in the process of continuous processing of emotional experience, individuals consciously change the cognitive evaluation of the situation that triggered the emotion or the emotion itself, in order to regulate the outburst, intensity, persistence, and adjustment of the emotion. Roughly speaking, it is to look at a problem from multiple perspectives, and change the perception and emotional response to a thing or situation by changing the way it is understood and evaluated; It is not simply confined to narrow and negative interpretations, after all, a person's emotional response is determined by his cognitive evaluation of things; For the same half glass of water, there is a difference between "half a glass of water left" and "only half a glass of water left".

認(rèn)知系統(tǒng)具有靈活性和可塑性，可以通過(guò)改變對(duì)事物的認(rèn)知評(píng)價(jià)，以改變對(duì)事件的情感反應(yīng)。如果真的用負(fù)性思維構(gòu)建起對(duì)世界的認(rèn)知，那么自己真的就生活在由焦慮和不公環(huán)繞的環(huán)境中，喪失了前進(jìn)的動(dòng)力。具備心理靈活性的人，能承認(rèn)現(xiàn)實(shí)，卻不被現(xiàn)實(shí)吞沒(méi)，能感受情緒，不會(huì)受情緒控制。再大的事也不擱在心里，是想明白了事情憂慮千次不如行動(dòng)一次，許多念頭一直抓著只會(huì)持續(xù)傷害自己。
The cognitive system is flexible and malleable, and it is possible to change the emotional response to events by changing the cognitive evaluation of things. If you really use negative thinking to construct your perception of the world, then you really live in an environment surrounded by anxiety and injustice, and lose the motivation to move forward. People with psychological flexibility can acknowledge reality without being swallowed up by it, can feel emotions, and are not controlled by emotions. No matter how big the matter is, I don't put it in my heart, I think about things and worry about it a thousand times, it's better to act once, and many thoughts will only continue to hurt myself if I keep grasping it.

與不擱事相輔相成的，是面對(duì)惡劣環(huán)境時(shí)想辦法適應(yīng)的能力。適應(yīng)指在現(xiàn)實(shí)的基礎(chǔ)上，積極尋求與之共處的方式，從中探索新的機(jī)會(huì)和路徑。環(huán)境無(wú)論順境、逆境，總是以固定的形式存在著，環(huán)境本身不被個(gè)人意志掌控；而適應(yīng)力強(qiáng)的人，不把目光聚焦在不可改變的外部因素上，清醒認(rèn)識(shí)到外界的客觀性后，調(diào)整自身的位置、心態(tài)和策略，方便更好地生存和發(fā)展。
Complementing the ability to adapt to a harsh environment is the ability to adapt to the harsh environment. Adaptation refers to actively seeking ways to live with it on the basis of reality, from which new opportunities and paths are explored. The environment, whether good or bad, always exists in a fixed form, and the environment itself is not controlled by the will of the individual; People with strong adaptability, who do not focus on unchangeable external factors, clearly understand the objectivity of the outside world, and adjust their own position, mentality and strategy to facilitate better survival and development.

他們思考的一般是“在這樣的情形下，我還能做些什么”，思維從“為什么是我”的抱怨轉(zhuǎn)向“我能做些什么”的務(wù)實(shí)；能量就沒(méi)有消耗在無(wú)休止的自憐中，反而匯聚起來(lái)去抓住自己可能抓住的機(jī)會(huì)，再微小的行動(dòng)與再緩慢的改變，那也是對(duì)被動(dòng)處境的主動(dòng)回應(yīng)；這是人的“主觀能動(dòng)性”在發(fā)揮著作用：人的主觀意識(shí)和實(shí)踐活動(dòng)對(duì)于客觀世界的能動(dòng)作用。人們可以在意識(shí)的指導(dǎo)下能動(dòng)地改造環(huán)境，通過(guò)實(shí)踐把意識(shí)中的想法變成現(xiàn)實(shí)，創(chuàng)造出沒(méi)有人的參與永遠(yuǎn)也不可能出現(xiàn)的東西。
They generally think about "what else can I do in such a situation", and their thinking shifts from "why me" complaints to "what can I do" pragmatism; Instead of consuming energy in endless self-pity, it gathers to seize the opportunities that one may seize, and no matter how small actions and slow changes are, it is also an active response to a passive situation; It is man's "subjective initiative" that plays a role: man's subjective consciousness and practical activities play an active role in the objective world. Under the guidance of consciousness, people can actively transform the environment, turn the ideas in their consciousness into reality through practice, and create things that would never have been possible without human participation.

顯而易見(jiàn)，高昂的精神可以催人向上奮進(jìn)，萎靡的精神則會(huì)使人悲觀消沉，喪失斗志。適應(yīng)力的核心是一種積極的的行動(dòng)導(dǎo)向，知道存在限制，也知道怎么樣都還會(huì)有發(fā)揮的空間，最后一定會(huì)找到平衡的條件。在惡劣的環(huán)境中采取行動(dòng)的過(guò)程，會(huì)產(chǎn)生掌控感和效能感，“我正在做些什么”的確定性事實(shí)，才是抵抗內(nèi)耗和無(wú)助最有效的辦法。行動(dòng)的結(jié)果無(wú)論怎樣，都會(huì)帶來(lái)新的反饋和經(jīng)驗(yàn)積累，形成新的認(rèn)知，完成了對(duì)自己的認(rèn)可，在風(fēng)雨中依然保持內(nèi)在的穩(wěn)定和方向感。
Obviously, a high spirit can motivate people to forge ahead, while a sluggish spirit can make people pessimistic and depressed, and lose their fighting spirit. At the heart of resilience is a positive action-oriented, knowing that there are limits, but also knowing that there will be room to play no matter what, and finally finding the right balance. The process of taking action in a hostile environment creates a sense of control and efficacy, and the certainty of "what am I doing" is the most effective way to resist internal friction and helplessness. No matter what the result of the action is, it will bring new feedback and experience accumulation, form new cognition, complete the recognition of oneself, and still maintain an inner stability and sense of direction in the wind and rain.

焦慮的人將事情擱置在心里，反復(fù)思量卻無(wú)結(jié)論，事情變成懸而未決的狀態(tài)，哪怕事件本身并不可怕，也在內(nèi)心對(duì)其持續(xù)的放大后變得可怕；同時(shí)對(duì)環(huán)境的不適應(yīng)和無(wú)法接納的變化也帶來(lái)了現(xiàn)實(shí)的沉重壓力，把外界當(dāng)成了敵人，處于緊張的你死我亡的對(duì)抗和逃離。這種情況下內(nèi)心深處沒(méi)有安頓好的思緒自然躁動(dòng)，意識(shí)像一根繃緊的弦，既不能對(duì)自己放松，也不能整合環(huán)境，不可能情緒穩(wěn)定和睡眠好。
Anxious people put things on hold in their minds, think about them repeatedly but have no conclusion, and the matter becomes unresolved, even if the event itself is not terrible, it becomes terrible after the continuous amplification of it in the heart; At the same time, the unadaptability to the environment and the unacceptable changes have also brought heavy pressure to the reality, treating the outside world as an enemy, and being in a tense confrontation and escape. In this case, the mind that has not settled down in the heart is naturally restless, and the consciousness is like a taut string, which can neither relax itself nor integrate the environment, and it is impossible to be emotionally stable and sleep well.

不焦慮的人在及時(shí)清空自己，不堆積雜物，在現(xiàn)實(shí)中行動(dòng)，不是僅僅反應(yīng)。他們通過(guò)放下和適應(yīng)，在對(duì)人生進(jìn)行著“積極敘事”（一種強(qiáng)調(diào)從積極角度理解和講述事件、經(jīng)歷或故事的方式）；關(guān)注內(nèi)在和外界中積極的方面，依靠積極的想法和積極的行為；他們能夠構(gòu)建更健康自信的自我概念，這是他們情緒穩(wěn)定、睡眠好、不焦慮的底氣。
People who are not anxious are emptying themselves in time, not accumulating clutter, and acting in reality, not just reacting. By letting go and adapting, they are engaged in a "positive narrative" (a way of emphasizing understanding and telling an event, experience, or story from a positive perspective); Focus on the positive aspects both internally and externally, relying on positive thoughts and positive behaviors; They are able to build a healthier and more confident self-concept, which is the basis for them to be emotionally stable, sleep well, and be free from anxiety.